More from THIS guy

Warning: This is way tl:dr

So you're still with me? Alrighty then. I thought I'd write about the sites I've played at. I'll let you know if there's any litigation.

The first site I played at was Full Tilt. I was watching the WSOP for the first time (the year Moneymaker won -2003) and saw Chris Ferguson and Mike Matusow wearing FTP jackets and shirts and stuff. So I googled it and read what others thought about it. It had just opened for cash games (was free chip beta at first) and most thought it was a fun thing. I only saw one "ZOMFG RIGGED!" post so I thought about it for a week. I watched another WSOP episode and took note of the other site advertising hats and shirts. I dunno why, I guess it was Ivey, Ferguson and all those other guys that made me feel cool that I was playing on their site. So, that's where I signed up first. My first post says what happened after that, at least there. I chanced to meet Phil Gordon in November of that year at some promotional thing he was doing for Seagrams. We had traded some emails about FTP and he told me he was going to be in town and he got me a VIP pass. He was cool. Rafe Furst was with him and he was cool as well.

While railing a table Howard Lederer was at, I asked him about poker books. He recommended Sklansky"s "Theory of Poker." I immediately ordered it on Amazon as well as "Holdem Poker for Advanced Players." Wow, I knew after reading TOP that I didn't know shit about holdem. They advertised on the back cover that they had a forum called twoplustwo.com. So I took a look in there and found out that I really didn't know jack shit nuthin' about holdem. So I read the forums and played (and lost, but not so much), and investigated other sites.

A poster called Granny Mae had an affiliate deal where you could get an easily cleared 100% up to $100 bonus through Paradise Poker. I signed up and deposited a hundo and cleared the bonus in no time, which was good because I was still losing, learning and having fun. They had lots of bonii offers, so I kept depositing (I had opened a Neteller account by then), withdrawing, putting money back in FTP, clearing bonii, withdrawing, playing and becoming a poker degenerate.

I got an email from Bodog saying they'd give me a signup bonus. After a week I requested a withdrawal. They told me I hadn't earned the bonus yet, so why don't I stay. I told them they could keep their stinking bonus, I hated their site. The background made me feel like I was in a stainless steel room, the sound effects of chips going in sounded exactly like a ratchet wrench and I felt greasy playing there. I liked the island feeling of Paradise. They thanked me for my feedback and sent me a t-shirt! I still wear that shirt.

Oh yeah, I'd almost forgotten: A friend who owned a site called Aloha Poker gave me $10 to play there if I opened an account. I guess I was kind of like a shill helping to keep tables open. I deposited some of my money also, but I sucked pretty bad and lost it all and didn't go back because the traffic was pretty low. My friend wanted me to prop there, but I really didn't want to. End of that story.

So I bounced around between FTP and Dise and actually started building a roll. I heard the games were uber loose on Party Poker. So I made a deposit when they offered a bonus. Funny thing about that site; I could never ever win there. Ever. So I cleared the bonus and put what money was left in Neteller.

I also withdrew from Dise and started up with Poker Stars. I left a little money with Dise and some with Full Tilt. I really like Stars. Lots of tourneys, lots of ring games, wider limits from pennies to 100s of dollars. My wife, who was playing free chips on FTP decided that she wanted to try the low buyin tournaments on FTP. You can see when that happened if you do a sharkscope. I left some money on Neteller, about $150.

So I'm playing $4/180s and $5/18s on Stars and doing ok, tyvm, when UIGEA happened. My bank stopped sending money to FTP to keep the Mrs Wetdog cash hemmorage going. FTP does some software upgrade or some such shit and she can no longer log in to Tilt, which is just as well since Neteller got frozen as well. Feckin feds and their Talibaptist regime. So, we share the Stars account and I start running colder than the beer I'm drinking more of each day. (I was wondering when I'd mention beer, weren't you?) You can see when that happened if you do a sharkscope.

By the way, I kind of like having sharkscope keep track of our joint accounts. Bullies think I ran hot and then sucked. They tell me about it all the time. You can tell when it's my wife playing. She's the one folding her way to the bubble.

Anyway, I thought I'd try some other sites, as long as my wife is killing my charts. So I try PurePlay Poker. It's a subscription site where you pay $19.95 a month and play as much as you like. Outside of free bar poker, it's the home of the biggest donkey poker you've ever seen. I tried it for about 4 months, since a friend referred me and he got a $50 bonus if I played (or paid) for 3. Jebus that was an excruciating time. After I cancelled the subscription (and had to do around 5 emails and have the bank finally refuse it) I went back to Stars. I think my skills Purely rotted away. But I was happy to play with some decent fish for a change.

Oddsmaker was the next trial. A pure waste of time. Dead games, dead tournies, and a support staff from Mumbai or somewhere who thought that the banks were closed for the weekend on Wednesday. It was interesting that you held your funds in an account that was denominated in Euros. Good thing I got my money out of there before the banking crisis brought the Euro down from $1.69 to $1.25. Cashout was fairly quick though.

The next and final trial was World Poker Exchange. 65% rakeback was the big selling point there. That and soft $1 and $3 tourneys. I managed to make some money there, but when they changed the tourneys to guarantees (with no overlay, else they were cancelled - lol some guarantee) I cashed out. It took a month and a half to get my money, but it finally did come.

Meanwhile FTP does another software doingdoing. I uninstall the old stuff and do a new download. Huzzah! It finally works. I have about $6 that my wife had left behind. My other bank allows a deposit and I'm playing again, now on FTP. My wife is still on Stars, so I now have the bad razz, stud and horse players to myself.

Cliff notes: I suck at poker on about 10^23 sites.